Inside This Machine

{Home sweet home?}

It's that time again where I've been home from tour for a couple of days and I'm looking for things that aren't here, it's like a little place between my life and everything else, sometimes i feel like hiding away other times I'm curious, what am i missing? what is mine here and what doesn't fit.
Today after each cup of tea I've asked, Where is the show? where are those happy faced fans kipping outside of venues? where is the terrible shower that sprays a soft jet of lukewarm water in an attempt to clean sweat filled pores? (I don't miss it all)
I'm also faced with a lot of alien objects and devices which haven't been in my life for around a month and a half. Things that are considered normal but not so much in my life, such as ovens, washing machines and beds that stay in one place and allow you to lay fully outstretched. The nights work backwards, i miss some of the beauty of day and see nothing at night. Sometimes i make an attempt to work in line with the world I've returned to but a part of me doesn't let go and maybe doesn't want to revert to this way of living, just to be thrown right back again a month or two from this place. It's somewhat of an In Limbo lifestyle and one I hope to master.


{Paper Tiger}

Welcome inside the machine. you are part of it and everything you do contributes to it. We're all cogs inside it to some extent... some of us with bigger burdens and responsibility than others (in our own minds). But all a piece none the less, however independently strong thinkers we are, sometimes it can be quite unnerving to us the little power and control we actually seem to posses, I often feel like a paper tiger here, sometimes we crave another place to be ourselves, sometimes we must create a place that suits our existence in order to function alongside everyone else. Whatever the true vision, I think this world is a completely different place depending on which eyes you're viewing it through.


{Imaginary eye}

Over these past 5 months I've struggled to separate reality from imagination, often the two cross and I'm left in a world that is both imperfect but joyfully fulfilling. Sometimes its been hard to sympathize and connect with the darkness in that real world and occasionally I feel guilty for that. Maybe it's because from my view (in the immediate future) it is so overwhelmingly bright. I feel like what I am a part of is actually a world that exists beside the real one and it's outlook is exciting, warm and welcoming as opposed to the sometimes cold and disconnected reality.


{heartline}

I've often been asked to help with the personal issues of others, fans and friends alike but have honestly struggled to be able to offer solutions for the only answer i seem to be able to offer is a positive view. A view through different eyes, through our eyes. Where people appreciate connection and seek some kind of refuge from the world we so desperately strive to slot into or at best sit beside and watch play out. I've noticed that what we've begun to create is like a lifeline, an opening and opportunity. It really does begin to become more than a simple burst of pleasure and enjoyment. The links go deeper and friendships overlap here, people can be who they wish to be without the fear, this is ours' and their escape from a life that we are told is normal, of course many of those people have that real life but they have left an opening back through to a very different one.



{excuse me sir my watch seems to have stopped it's irritating tick tock}

I've begun to lose the concept of real time, days are counted in a different calender here, a bit like erasing history, all routine we've had since our childhood and forming something new like the day camden became electric under the lights of the ballroom. My own birthday was almost erased by myself because the much bigger event of capturing a whole period of our lives on this new record was taking place. I think it's because what is happening here and what we are achieving now doesn't happen each day or each year it happens now and these exact moments may never repeat themselves. It's a feeling that both terrifies me and urges me to live for the moment if only my bloody memory allowed me to remember these moments of magic.


{echoed voices still dead to the world}

I still see hate and bitterness spread over these web places and I struggle to understand the processes behind it and the more i see the luckier i feel. I feel none of what those people find in their world, for one of the first times in my life i do feel a certain amount of calm and confidence. A confidence that the choices I've made and the people I've invited into my life means that I can see past the shit without any urge to go treading in it, in fact I jump right over and don't look back. Life through these eyes with you people for the foreseeable future looks better than the enemies could even dream and that my friends is a secret win for anyone involved in this.

{homosapien? me?}

For a man that is rarely satisfied and rarely switches off I can only hope this state lasts some time. I know this lovely feeling probably wont last forever as nothing ever does, but whatever comes after the next phase i know inspiration will follow and that I guess is what I live for. A series of events, places and faces that continue to inspire, move and teach me, there are so many more beautiful things to see. It's amazing as I mature and begin to learn what little us humans actually desire and require to keep the veil of sanity in check. I recently watched something on the blitz and what those people endured, with every great trauma it is in humans only around 3 weeks that shock continues to impact until finally it overcomes them or its overcome by a great spirit, humor and the love of others. I realise now that to share something with people is a big part of what many spend their lives searching for and for now here Inside this version of this Machine we have that very thing we can stop here and enjoy it while the world outside keeps spinning. And with that let's share a smile.

a mess of voices and ideas but this is my life as i type right now.
An album is approaching that has captured all the things we had dreamt of achieving as young adults. Now a couple of years on we are able to make the bold and dramatic music that we've always aspired to conjure. OK the full orchestras and my vocals recorded from the very surface of mars aren't yet featured but hey there is always the next album...

speak soon lovers
Lx